Self-Compassion: A Practical Guide
Self-compassion is an essential skill often overlooked by people who do a great job of caring for others. I know I have a tough time practicing self-compassion, especially during major transitions.
All human suffering is worthy of compassion.
I reached out to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, to interview on my podcast. She’s an associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin and the author of two books, including her newest, Fierce Self-Compassion.
Dr. Neff describes compassion as the drive to alleviate suffering. Self-compassion is that instinct turned inward. According to Dr. Neff, “a really important aspect of self-compassion is remembering nothing's wrong with you and you aren't alone.”
Tender vs. fierce self-compassion.
We tend to think of self-compassion as warm, nurturing, and full of unconditional love. Dr. Neff describes this as tender self-compassion. But, she says, there are times where we need to be fierce and protective of ourselves. And that action-oriented practice is fierce self-compassion.
You need both. Without the tenderness, you might become too harsh or hard on yourself. Without the fierceness, you might become too complacent. And of course, you need to acknowledge that you’re imperfect and do your best to balance the two.
3 tips for practicing self-compassion.
Like everything in Ayurveda, it turns out that self-compassion is all about balance. If you’re worried you’ll end up giving yourself excuses, these 3 tips are a good place to start:
Begin with mindfulness. Take a moment to acknowledge the discomfort you feel. Just observe what is happening instead of avoiding it.
Remind yourself that you aren’t alone. Making mistakes is part of being human and so is imperfection. You aren’t alone in experiencing this discomfort.
Give yourself the compassion you’d give a friend. Imagine how you’d reassure a friend in the same situation and say those words out loud to yourself or write them down.
For more tools and wisdom to practice self-compassion, listen to Episode 27 of my podcast, The Healing Catalyst: Simple Tools to Foster Self-Compassion & Reduce Suffering with Dr. Kristin Neff.
In addition, Dr. Neff has more tips and guided self-compassion practices on her website, www.self-compassion.org.
With tenderness,
Avanti Kumar-Singh, MD